|Hair Color||Light Brown|
|First Appearance||Something You Can Do With Your Finger|
This old Security Guard's seen a lot of crazy stuff on the force and he's happy to teach the rookies a thing or two about keeping shoppers on their toes. He's not afraid to use deadly force if authorized, either. He used to be employed at the South Park Mall, where he discovered the next big boy band sensation, but later left to work at Eric Cartman's new theme park, and eventually got his biggest job yet: Dark Meadows Gated Community, in which Token Black and other rich African-American kids in South Park live. Watch for his pepper spray!
- "Move along, sir."
- Something You Can Do With Your Finger (s04e09)
- Cartmanland (s05e06)
- Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina (s09e01; cameo)
He's now employed by the owners of Dark Meadows gated community to keep out intruders, equipped with pepper spray and a nightstick. When the player tries to gain access to give the Grand Wizard King's letter to him, the Security Guard pepper sprays the player - until they get a gas mask, in which an epic battle begins. Once he defeated, he allows you to come and go as you please, feeling quite ashamed.