Fun with Veal
Diane Choksondik's fourth grade class goes on a field trip to a farm, where they discover that veal is made of baby cows. The boys, apart from Cartman, are horrified and decide to save the calves from becoming veal. Stan, Kyle, and Butters attempt to convince Cartman to help them rescue the calves and bring them to Stan's house. Cartman is forced to join the others to rescue the calves with his Mission Impossible Breaking and Entering play-set. When they are discovered by their parents the next morning, the boys barricade the door until they are promised the calves will be safe.
The situation quickly escalates into a standoff between the boys, who are declared terrorists, and the police. They live off some food smuggled in by Liane Cartman, which contains meat. While most of the group eagerly eats this food, Stan does not, as his reason for doing the deed extends far beyond just protecting the calves, so he becomes a vegetarian. Cartman makes fun of this, saying "if you don't eat meat, you become a pussy." Later, Stan comes down with a strange illness, and develops sores on his face.
An FBI negotiator proves no match for Cartman's powers of manipulation, and he negotiates for guns and ammunition in return for a calf. When the boys get the guns Cartman further manipulates the negotiator for an ICBM, but unsuccessfully tries to get North and South Dakota. He gets the FDA to change the term for veal to "tortured baby cow", and negotiates for a cattle truck driven by Michael Dorn. Furthermore, Dorn is forced into full Worf makeup and must call Cartman 'Captain'. He is to drive everyone to the airport so they can escape to Mexico, despite being reluctant to do so. All of this, without handing over a single calf. The negotiator, due to easily giving to these ludicrous demands, is eventually fired.
The FBI double-crosses the boys and the calves are saved, but are rendered useless, as there is now no market for "little tortured baby cow". Stan has to go to the hospital; it turns out Cartman was correct about the results of not eating meat when Stan's doctor explains that he has vaginitis, and the sores on his face were actually vaginas, which would have turned him into a giant vagina. The episode ends with the boys, with the possible exception of Cartman, getting grounded, but not before going out with their parents for burgers.
What I Learned Today
"It's wrong to eat veal because the animals are so horribly mistreated. But if you don't eat meat at all, you break out in vaginas."
- "We could kill Butters, and then float the calves on a river of blood." Cartman
- "Ooo, Stan's in trouble. Let me kick his ass, mom." Shelly Marsh
- "This is going to be like Vietnam, huh fellas? Whoopie!" Butters
- "Butters, I'm going to kill you over and over again." Cartman
- "What did I tell you Stan? We save some baby cows from being eaten and now we're no-good dirty God-damn hippies!" Cartman
- "Oh Mike, you're breakin' my balls here, Mike." Cartman
- "Stan, you're behaving like a kid!" Randy Marsh
- "One for all and all for one, except Cartman!" Stan
- "If you don't eat meat at all, you become a pussy." Cartman
- "If we don't do something soon there could be fifty, even sixty, people who have to go without veal for dinner. Are you prepared to let that happen?" FBI Leader
Rancher Bob, the farmer who owns the cattle farm. Also, the group of bearded, dirty Hippies make their debut. These hippies can be seen again in "Douche and Turd" as well as "Die Hippie, Die" .
A snippet of the hippie, grassroots song "Help the Helpless" plays while the hippies are protesting outside of Stan's house.
Behind The Scenes
Where Did The Idea Come From
Trey and Matt are both confirmed carnivores, but veal is pretty much where they draw the line. "I don't eat babies," says Trey.
Pop Culture References
The kids break into the veal pen with the help of Cartman's "Mission Impossible Breaking and Entering Playset." Also, Butters attempts to make the calves stronger by using the "Suzanne Somers' Calf Exerciser." Stan's dad says during a news interview, "We gave those kids everything and they've turned into little John Walkers." This is referencing John Walker Lindh, an American citizen who betrayed his country by becoming a Taliban leader. He was captured in the 2001 invasion of Afghanistan.
Michael Dorn, a.k.a. Worf from Star Trek: The Next Generation, is recruited to drive the boys' getaway truck. He even wears a "Pasadena City College" shirt (where Dorn went to college) over his Klingon makeup. Cartman insists that Worf call him "Captain" for the rest of the episode.
Live TV coverage of the cow hostage crisis proves so uninteresting that the network switches away to a show called Puppies From Around the World. The show will be seen again during "The Terrance and Phillip Movie Trailer" .
The Two Hippie Dudes from "Ike's Wee Wee" and "Roger Ebert Should Lay Off The Fatty Foods" can be seen protesting with the group of hippies outside of Stan's house.
Cartman uses his "You're breakin' my balls" technique to negotiate with the police in this episode. He mastered that negotiation technique while selling baby fetuses in "Kenny Dies."
While Cartman is negotiating on the phone a Visitor can be seen behind the boys, next to Butters.
- e1 Freak Strike
- e2 Jared Has Aides
- e3 Asspen
- e4 The New Terrance and Phillip Movie Trailer
- e5 Fun with Veal
- e6 Professor Chaos (episode)
- e7 The Simpsons Already Did It
- e8 Red Hot Catholic Love
- e9 Free Hat
- e10 Bebe's Boobs Destroy Society
- e11 Child Abduction is Not Funny
- e12 A Ladder to Heaven
- e13 The Return of the Fellowship of the Ring to the Two Towers
- e14 The Death Camp of Tolerance
- e15 The Biggest Douche in the Universe
- e16 My Future Self 'n' Me
- e17 Red Sleigh Down